Wednesday, 27 February 2008

I'm back from my trip up Mt Everest!

I've got to ask myself "What the hell is wrong with me?!". I was feeling a bit restless earlier so I decided to prise myself off my beloved computer and go for a walk. Just a short one because I was expecting a client to call. No big deal. I normally go for a wander around the block most days and return safely about 15 minutes later. But for some reason today I decided to be adventurous and add an extra street. You wouldn't think it would be much of a problem in your local area. Especially in Milford, a not particularly difficult place to navigate. Just go east, south, west, north as usual but with another street tacked on the bottom surely? Hell no! Before I started this little addition I should have paid heed to the fact that I have absolutely NO sense of direction what-so-ever! (And possibly the other fact that the street I had chosen to add was potentially attached to a lot of other streets that ALL went uphill sharply!)

The first few minutes went OK. Looked like my chosen street would only make minor changes to my route. Ten minutes later I started realising things were starting to get a bit steep and windy! Oh well, I was certain I would connect up with the northern part of my usual route fairly quickly and anyway, I like walking up hills. Half an hour later again I happened to look to my left and suddenly realised I could see all the way over Milford, Lake Pupuke, Rangitoto and half of Auckland! They certainly look beautiful but my God! what bloody mountain did I climb to get that view? Everest? Suddenly it occurred to me I wasn't even sure I was still IN Milford. And another quarter of an hour of wandering around comfirmed that with landmarks starting to look distinctly non-Milford looking.

So, how embarrassing is it that you have to stop and ask a passer by "where the fuck am I?" in your own suburb?!!!! (And them ask you kindly "are you a tourist?" and having to reply that unfortunately you are a complete plonker and actually live SOMEWHERE very close by and will probably see them in the supermarket next week!) I am hopeless. This is not the first time I have gotten totally lost like this in a small area. I've been known to get lost driving to a local Devonport cafe five minutes away, a short distance from my home - in Devonport! (My friends were just a little surprised to learn I was late showing up because I had taken an unintentional excursion to TAKAPUNA and back on the way there!)

A couple of times in my life I have thought it would be fun to try things that require the ability to navigate or know what direction you are pointing in. Rally car driving is one. Flying a plane is another. Years ago in the 90's a friend of mine decided to learn to fly and got me quite interested as well. I really like aircraft and so I thought it would probably be pretty cool to at least give it a go. Fortunately I was planning to go to Europe for a holiday at the time so I told him I would do it sometime when I got back. Also fortunate is that a few days of walking around in Europe left me with no doubt that I am completely incompetent when it comes to finding my way around even with clear directions and sometimes also a map. If it hadn't been for the fact I was travelling with other people I think I would now be a resident of China! I have no idea how Michael Palin does it! Also after a few blats around in jumbos it occurred to me that if I did ever try to fly anything I would get lost just trying to find the runway, never mind actually going anywhere (in fact lets be completely honest - I would get lost just trying to drive to the airport!) And if I had ever made it into the air I am pretty certain I would just end up flying upside down and smack into the nearest thing that is not supposed to be in the sky - like the ground! So thankfully that idea died. As for rally car driving... heaven forbid anyone ever let me be the navigator, never mind drive! I think I will stick with the Playstation!

OK so not doing those two things is no big loss, but after today I really have to wonder if I am competent enough to be allowed to use even my own feet to go anywhere. I wonder do they make guide dogs for stupid people who have got no idea where they are going? I need one! I actually think I would need the dog to TELL me where to go cos I don't think I could even follow the directions of a Navman to the supermarket without ending up in Timbuktu! In fact it's a wonder I am able to successfully retrieve the mail from the box every day without needing a search party to come and find me.

So there you have it. If you ever want to go for a 15 minute walk and have it drawn out for over an hour with unexpected scenery and a bit of a mountain climb - just take me as your guide! I'll take you places you've never seen before and neither have I or the guide dog!

8 comments:

Robyn said...

You'll just hve to come walking with me. I walked to Devonport this morning. I was going to walk back but someone offered me a lift - so I accepted as I had blisters on my toes again. It took just under 2 hours to walk 10k ;)

Cheers
Robyn

Bron said...

OK, but only if you will hold my hand. I don't want to go missing again!... :-)

Robyn said...

i'll put a label around your neck like Paddington Bear. If this Bear gets lost, pleae sned him home!

If this Bron gets lost, please send him home to this address!

cheers
Robyn

Bron said...

Oi! What do you mean "send HIM home". HIM?!?! Since when did I become a "him"? God, if I wasn't already confused I am now!!!!

Robyn said...

Argggggh - wrote tht after midnight with my eyes shut lying flat out on the couch. It wasn't me - it was my fingers - they have no gender control at all :)

Cheers
Robyn

Bron said...

You better watch it then Robyn. Those fingers might get you into trouble! Tsk tsk. Stop corrupting me! I am a NICE person .... (I think)....

O...... (you fill in the blanks)

Robyn said...

How could I possibly corrupt you? You were corrupted long before I met you - in fact - you were the one that corrupted me :)

Cheers
Robyn

Bron said...

OK... So yes you have a point there. But it took you two years to find that out didn't it!
See, you never know what an introvert is secretly hiding.... you have to watch us....