Thursday, 12 March 2009

Definitions of Hell

  1. The thing you never mention at a funeral.

  2. A place or state of being of pain and suffering, sometimes also called Earth.

  3. A computer equipped with Windows 95 and missing the Ctrl+Alt+Delete keys.

  4. "A yellow bus carries me there every morning Monday through Friday. "

  5. The place where all the lawyers and country music stars go.

  6. Knowing you're going to get Robbie Williams played at your funeral.

Today's blog was brought to you by the letter "H" and The Urban Dictionary


Robyn said...

The other thing you don't say at a funeral when you leave is...

Have a great day !!!

(I said that!)


Morgan said...

Ha ha, trust you to say that! Remind me never to go to a funeral with you. You'll make me get the giggles.

Hmmmm, speaking of hell and funerals I was wondering... do Atheists have a "look" or something because one funeral I went to the priest wouldn't talk to me but was polite and courteous to everyone else. Can't see what his problem was. I sang the hymns nicely in tune and didn't get the giggles during the prayers! Perhaps he picked up on my slightly annoyed vibe at his choice of sermon structure;

Part 1) 5 hours: lecture the sinners about hell, fire, brimstone, God's wrath, Jesus, converting yourself to Christianity if you haven't already, Jesus, hell, fire and brimstone. Did I mention God is angry?

Part 2) 5 mins: Oh yeah nearly forgot, some guy died so we'd better talk about him for a few minutes.

Part 3) 5 bonus hours: hell, fire, brimstone, lightening bolts from sky with extra zap for atheists (especially that evil Richard Dawkins guy – he gets a super big one with barbs on), better mention Jesus a few more hundred times, oh and God's wrath for extra measure and a bit more brimstone.

Part 4) Yay! Knock off for sausage rolls and a cup of tea! Ooops, better not look too happy about that - it's a funeral..... I wonder how many people I converted today? .... Oooh bugger! Better avoid that atheist over there...